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Writer's pictureLaura Bottiglieri

The milk melting pot




Milk is on my mind this week. I went into parenthood with no expectations for the type of method of feeding milk to my baby. As an SLT who works with lost of new caregivers of babies who are finding feeding challenging, I am professionally of the opinion that fed is best. I am also of the opinion that the immense pressure to breast feed by healthcare professionals can be very damaging and actually further suppress the ability to breast feed successfully.


I was so relaxed by the whole thing that I packed premade first formula in my hospital bag, just in case. Then we commenced a very difficult and traumatic labour, when she was finally born and we were in recovery my little love, with a palsy to her lip and a damaged arm, wriggled her way down to my breast and latched instantly. I was still so numb from my spinal block that daddy had to hold her for me. But there we were, exhausted, relieved and completely connected again after being detached for the first time in 9 months. As the first few hours passed it became apparent that our baby wasn't feeling great and she was moved to the neonatal unit. I was still a patient in the hospital so was able to be with our baby for as long as possible. Daddy was also able to stay on the neonatal unit for as long as he liked which was invaluable.


I continued to breast feed and learned to pump whilst on the unit. We spoke to the SLT on the unit and saw the infant feeding team because our baby required oxygen support and it became apparent she also had a tongue tie. Her motivation to feed, and for reasons I'll never know, we managed to continue with breast feeding. There was one day on the unit where it all got too much and baby hadn't had a little blue line on her nappy to show she'd had a wee for 24 hours. Discussions of tube feeding or formula feeding started. I surprised myself in how primal and determined I felt to prevent this. Looking back I feel this is because with my professional knowledge I didn't think we were there yet. We were given another 24 hours and she finally had a wee - woohoo!


We've breast fed ever since, she took to a bottle too and fortunately I was able to pump enough for her to be exclusively breast fed for 5.5 months; we couldn't resist her determination to start weaning. Up to now she's still not had formula.


The opinions of those close to us are starting to mention formula to me. I have no issue with formula. I am pro caregiver choice/needs/preferences and all that matters is baby is fed and comfortable. I've been shocked at my own reaction to these comments. On the surface I've tried to be open minded and amenable; everyone means well. But internally I'm in knots. I'm sad about the idea of moving away from breast feeding. I've loved every second of it. In the madness of life and getting used to sharing my baby with others, it's our cosy time. It's the only thing I can give her that is completely unique. Which actually is an anxiety that isn't true. I'm her mother that will always be unique.


I know in my heart of hearts that we are approaching time for change. I'll gradually be going to work soon. She'll have time at home with her wonderful daddy for a few months before she starts childcare. She is also forming strong bonds with her aunty and grandparents which will require different sources of nutrition and hydration. I just can't provide the volume of expressed breast milk that she'll need in the time I'm not with her now my supply is so well regulated.


I also know, that my nipples can't take the razor sharp chomps from her brand new pearly Whites anymore! The newborn nipple adjustment all over again!


We went for kendamil (not an ad and there are so many others to try!), it felt like a clean and manageable transition from breast milk for us. We've been lucky, she LOVES it. Watching her get excited for her bottle has helped and getting cuddles from her instead of constant breastfeed requests has bonded us even more!


I feel I can hard relate to all caregivers in this melting pot of emotion, logic and need. It's difficult whichever avenue you have to go down. Ultimately it's what's best for our baby and there is no way she'll go hungry because I want to carry on breast feeding exclusively.


I'd love to hear your milk experiences. How did healthcare providers make you feel? Were you supported in your decision?



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